For the Recovering People Pleasers

*a treatise on people pleasing

I spent 20 years — literally more than 25% of my life — in the Hospitality Industry.

Catering to others.

Being of service.

I started as a fudge-packer (literally) working at Uncle Bob’s Fudge kitchen in my hometown with a work-permit when I was only 12 years old.

I graduated to hostessing, waitressing, then entertaining rich kids at their birthday parties whilst dressed as a Disney princess in my teens and college years.

At 20 years old, I got an internship at what is now Tao Group and parlayed that internship into a lucrative 12 year career where I eventually drove hundreds of millions of dollars of revenue and became a Managing Partner.

But what I really learned to do was put others needs before my own like it was my job (because it was).

In the Hospitality Industry it PAYS (literally) to be selfless.

When running events, you dress in black so that you “disappear” behind the scenes. You scurry around fixing and orchestrating while simultaneously remaining as invisible as possible.

You say yes to the most audacious and extravagant requests and you say it with a SMILE!

You work the strangest and longest hours — often on your feet the whole time — while others drink and dance and party around you.

It’s a bit like being Cinderella before her glow-up…

And let me tell you — the old self-sacrificing, other-serving habits I learned “working the floor” are dying (or not dying) HARD.

The other night I had a dream that couldn’t have been more nail-on-head in the lesson it was trying to convey.

In the first part of the dream — I was simultaneously coordinating three last-minute 500 person events, each with their own logistical complications. I was poring through catering menus, making rapid-fire phone calls, and generally stressing over how I was going to pull it all off…

hmm, curious — thought the lucid part of my brain.

Dream scene 2 — I am looking at the desktop of my computer screen. There is only ONE folder and it’s called “CATERING.”

hmm, very curious — thought the lucid part of my brain. CATERING is still taking up that much space on the hard drive?

AH-HA!

When I fully woke up and began journaling, it didn’t take long before I knew exactly what this dream was trying to teach me:

Despite being 6 years removed from the catering biz — I was STILL expending a significant amount of my time, energy and attention catering to others.

I’ve been tweaking myself and shirking my own needs so that others get what THEY want from me without considering what I have to sacrifice to accomplish that…

Well folks, the Catering Dept. is officially CLOSED.

That’s not to say I won’t always be a generous & helpful human / parent / coach — but it DOES mean that boundaries, self-care, and saying NO will be prioritized.

Can you relate to this tendency to put others’ first? Maybe you do this at work, or with friends, or even with your partner?

A good way to check in and determine where you might be self-sacrificing is to ask yourself… In which of my relationships do I feel a sense of resentment?

Resentment is a pretty, pretty good sign that you’ve been giving more than you should (and without receiving enough in return)…

Whenever my dreamscape thinks a lesson is important enough to smack me over the head with it — I always take heed! My subconscious knows way more about me than I do (and yours does about you, too!). So on a totally unrelated note… start paying more attention to your dreams! They have so much wisdom to share.

If your personal “catering department” is still open for biz 24/7 — here are some quick tips and resources:

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer to others.
Reflect on Your Values: Identify what is truly important to you and do not sacrifice on the things that really matter (other things can be more flex).
Learn to Say No: Recognize that it's okay to decline requests that compromise your well-being. Come up with a quick response you can memorize so you don’t accidentally say YES when you really want to say NO.
Trim the Moochers: Surround yourself ONLY with folks who respect you and give in reciprocity. If you set clear boundaries with someone and they do NOT respect them — it’s time to trim them from your circle).

Get the replay of my conversation with Vienna Pharaon about Burnout & The Worthiness wound HERE.

Read “Alchemy of Your Dreams” by my darling friend Athena Laz.

Need a little help interpreting a particularly juicy dream? Reim Zora is a powerful intuitive and a trusted advisor of mine for years now. You can learn more about her services and book her here.

And you’re ready to cater to YOURSELF and learn tools to set better boundaries & honor YOUR joy — join me on retreat this August 1st-4th in the Hudson Valley.

Learn more and sign up HERE.

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE...